Another Day

For those that don’t already know, I do a lot of public speaking where I share Casey’s story. I talk with nursing students, med students, and on occasion I even talk to primary schools. I use the good and bad lessons from Casey’s life to help mold future providers and to prepare them to be the best nurse or doctor that they can be. I always told her story during her life, and while she is no longer in my arms every day, she can still be an amazing teacher and source of inspiration for others.

One of the things I find myself saying a lot is that time is no longer my friend. I think to really understand what I mean by this you have to have lost a child or someone very close to you. It’s really weird. Sometimes it feels like ages have passed and it’s only been days while other times it feels like only a moment has passed and it has been years. The concept of time when such a huge part of you is missing just doesn’t work anymore.

After Casey passed I could not bring myself to drive the accessible van anymore. Tim and I had to find another vehicle. Driving her car without her was too much for me. We bought a really basic little car that I have been driving since. Every time I notice the odometer however I feel crushed. Each mile is one more mile away from Casey. We just passed the 3rd anniversary of her passing in March and I just passed 30K miles on the car. Each of those milestones makes my stomach ache.

I have found myself coming to this website to post updates many times as well, and often can’t bring myself to publish the post. It’s one more update on life without her. Yes, I know, it’s life without her physically and that I am never without her, but I’m sure you all know what I mean.

A lot of things are happening in my life right now, and as great as these things are all I want to do is share them with her. She is my reason for everything. I would give anything to hold her and kiss those perfect little cheeks just one more time.

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