In the medically complex community losing our babies is too often a reality. I meet a lot of parents that have lost their child and I hate that this really screwed up club continues to grow. It’s nice that we all support each other, but I really wish none of us had to go through this type of loss.
In all the different books, and groups there is a common message. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. That is so true. All of go through our own process and in our own time. So what does grief look like? I think it looks like life. All of us still have a lot of our own life to live and we have to find ways to carry our pain but get up and keep going. We have to find ways to appreciate life again and to find joy again. It’s beyond difficult to find joy. When we catch ourselves smiling, laughing or just feeling happy we then are overcome with a wave of guilt for feeling like this without our baby. It’s a really messed up emotional struggle we all go through.
I want to say this, and want to say it loud enough for all the grieving parents to hear- You are allowed to be happy again! Finding joy, being happy, and living your life to the fullest is not an insult to the child you lost. It’s the opposite actually. You have to do these things- for your child. You have to have the experiences they didn’t get; you have to love and laugh and live fully FOR them. Your child’s life and their memory is not served by sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself. You are allowed a pity party as often as you need one, but don’t beat yourself up for finding joy.