In the medically complex community losing our babies is too often a reality. I meet a lot of parents that have lost their child and I hate that this really screwed up club continues to grow. It’s nice that we all support each other, but I really wish none of us had to go through this type of loss.
In all the different books, and groups there is a common message. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. That is so true. All of go through our own process and in our own time. So what does grief look like? I think it looks like life. All of us still have a lot of our own life to live and we have to find ways to carry our pain but get up and keep going. We have to find ways to appreciate life again and to find joy again. It’s beyond difficult to find joy. When we catch ourselves smiling, laughing or just feeling happy we then are overcome with a wave of guilt for feeling like this without our baby. It’s a really messed up emotional struggle we all go through.
I want to say this, and want to say it loud enough for all the grieving parents to hear- You are allowed to be happy again! Finding joy, being happy, and living your life to the fullest is not an insult to the child you lost. It’s the opposite actually. You have to do these things- for your child. You have to have the experiences they didn’t get; you have to love and laugh and live fully FOR them. Your child’s life and their memory is not served by sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself. You are allowed a pity party as often as you need one, but don’t beat yourself up for finding joy.
For those that don’t already know, I do a lot of public speaking where I share Casey’s story. I talk with nursing students, med students, and on occasion I even talk to primary schools. I use the good and bad... Continue reading →
Yesterday was a really nice day, it’s been a while since I turned off my school/work mode and just enjoyed a day. The weather was perfect, and everything was exactly what I needed. We started off the day by heading... Continue reading →
I haven’t updated this site in a while for a few reasons. I have been pretty busy, doing a lot of different things. And, I have’t known what to say. It’s hard to write about my feelings, and we aren’t... Continue reading →
Casey’s 11th birthday is coming up in just a few weeks. Last year we were still in fog from losing her just before she turned 10. She LOVED her birthday! Every year we would go all out. She loved to... Continue reading →
1 year ago today we lost my grandpa, Lin. He always signed his cards and preferred to be called GP. GP and Casey had a very special bond. They loved each other so much and would jump at the chance... Continue reading →
I have had many moments in my adult life where I have had to step away and take a moment. It just amazes me though how clueless some people really are. Let’s start 10 years ago. Tim and I were... Continue reading →
Over the years we have shared posts that talk about some of the stress that came with the holidays. There were food centered holidays and we had to find ways to modify these so that Casey could participate. Then there... Continue reading →
I love getting signs from Casey. I don’t get them everyday, and sometimes I seem to get more than others, but I love the little messages she sends me to let me know she is okay. I always knew I... Continue reading →